As I've just completed my degree in Acupuncture, I was asked by my lecturers who I aspire to be. We all got asked this, all in a room together. Most people said the lecturers or someone they had read about, I said Attila the Hun. Didn't go down well at all unsurprisingly.
I'm a very clumsy person, its very obvious as I'm always injured. And all my stories usually end with "So it wouldn't stop bleeding, and went to A and E" or "This liquid came out of it, so I went to A and E". I think the funniest injury I've ever had is when I got an earring stuck in my ear, and not the bit that goes through the hole, the ball end of a stud earring.
That was horrific, I think over night my ear had developed a mouth and sucked it into itself. Never ring up NHS direct either as they haven't got a clue, my mom took me to A and E while my dad was left on the phone for 2 hours before they finally decided "Er.. yeah, she should go to A and E".
My most recent injury has arisen really from a drunken argument with a taxi driver. He ripped me off, I grudgingly paid him, and in the most dramatic way possible said " I hope you know I'm not too drunk to notice you've ripped me off!" Opened the door and tumbled out onto my ankle... my life is just one long comedy. But at least its got comedic timing.
I think famous people are hilarious! In particular Michael McIntyre and Sophie Dahl. Not that Michael McIntyre is funny, he'd be funny if he was a Geography teacher or a Math teacher, someone who you wouldn't expect to be funny. But as a comedian and a straight man he's not believable! I don't think he's married at all, I think he puts on a dress and speaks in a voice lower than his normal speaking voice.
I shouldn't be mean, its always nice to know the BBC has a place in their storage facilities for an annoying high pitched weeble, I'm sure its wherever Joe Pasquale is.
Sophie Dahl is doing a cookery programme now! And she likes the word melancholy. You could start a drinking game to how many times she said that word. And by the end of it you would be depressed!
Either she's severely depressed or she's only just getting started using words. I assume models don't need words, I think they just grunt and point. Well whoever gave her the word of the day calender needs to change the day, or beat her with it!
Really though, a model cooking? "Would you like a side of cotton wool with that?" "This has been lightly seasoned with laxatives and alli"
I at one point dyed my hair orange. NEVER. DO. IT. Worst mistake ever, not that it didn't look good but the amount of abuse I got for it! It was very orange, no question about it. And yet where ever I went I got called a ginger! Are there really that many colour blind people in Manchester? But on top of the ginger comments were comments like "I bet you've got a hairy fanny" ??? I'm 24! I'd say its pretty obvious I've gone through puberty, its more than likely!
I wonder if these people shout at squirrels and dogs "Yeah Squirrel you ginger bastard! I bet you like nuts!" "Oi! Dog! You've got a hairy tail!" What are they the obvious squad? An undercover section of the trainspotters alliance that go round shouting obvious statements at people? Or in other words.. Chavs.
I personally think sex is quite weird I don't know if its the people I date or it happens to everyone but I really don't think these things need to be said during sex:
- Please stop singing
- You've just hit me in the face
- Stop smearing yourself in chocolate spread and then running around the room
- Stop watching the tv
- Please don't talk to your housemate
- Trust me that REALLY doesn't go in there
- I don't care how loud they are playing their video game, please stop talking about World War 2 and the end of the world
- I asked you nicely the first time, please stop singing
- Stop laughing
I've been completing more paperwork before I jet off to a life of me living on a boat really.. recently its been the CRB. It's like their indecisive yet militant! "We want original copies of something that has your address on it and your date of birth. Passports, drivers licence, and birth certificates are class one and nhs cards, bank statements and phone bills are class two. If you have only 1 class one we want 2 class two, but if you have 2 class one then that's enough" Further down the page "Please ensure you have 3 forms of identity, no photocopies are allowed in this application" Further down the page "Please include a photocopy of your passport even though you have provided us with 3 forms of identity" Further down the page "Photocopies are not accepted"
"Please fill in this form of where you have been living for the past 5 years, include all data we only need to know where you have been living for the past 5 years" Further down the page "But please include at least 3 addresses including one where you have been living for the past 5 years"
Well that was more ramblings, a little more than last time! Hopefully something will click and I'll actually get good at this! I will also include my new collection of sketches and paintings of erotic sandwiches